5.29.2013

Naming Babies.

I ran into this post online and thought "how funny". So I thought I would share. Please excuse the bad words. Not my style, but don't want to change the character of the post. 


1.Names should be gender appropriate.
If you choose a unisex name for either gender, it should always be paired with a name that is solidly one gender or the other. Despite the fact that employers shouldn't discriminate, they do. It doesn't help your case if a potential employer doesn't know how to address you when the call to set up an interview. Also, not every name is unisex. Ryan, Evan, Dylan, Cameron, Jordan are all acceptable unisex names. Justyn, Davyd, Nolan and Tucker are not.

2.Ys should only be used in names that are meant to contain them.

Grammar lesson for the day: Contrary to popular belief, Y's do not make every sound. They are also not an indicator of creativity, love, or intelligence. When I see a name with an arbitrary Y, I assume the parent is young and quite possibly illiterate.

3.Names should be spelled correctly.

F*cking up a perfectly good name is not creative. There are acceptable variations of names; use those. Unless you plan to call your child in from the playground by spelling her name out loud, she will still be one of many Avas. Spelling it Aevah doesn't change that, but it does change my opinion on the parents' IQs. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a trend setter, but before you go off thinking you have just hit pay dirt with the best mane ever, make sure it follows the grammatical rules of its country of origin. Example : Siobhan - This is an Irish name and follows the rules of the Irish language. This name will never be Sigh-o-bahn, unless you want to look like a complete ass hat.

4.Apostrophes have no business being in names.

Apostrophes are used to indicate possession or the intentional removal of a letter, not as an indicator of a syllabic break. When you spell a name My'Kira, you look uneducated.

5.Hyphens only belong in last names.

Double first names can be an acceptable choice, but there is no need to hyphenate them. When I see a hyphenated first name, I assume the parent thinks that if they don't employ the"how to say my baby name for dummies" indicator, nobody will ever get the name right. If you tell me your name is Mary Kate, I will call you Mary Kate. I don't need a flashing sign that says"Yo, jackass, this is all one name."

6.Listen to and apply general feedback.

If you decide to name your daughter Whyte Sapphyre and over 50% of the comments you receive state "This is a stripper name", move on. I don't care that all of your friends said it was great. It's not. Friends are not honest, they are friends. They don't want to hurt your feelings so they say"oh, that's different" or"Wow, I haven't heard that before" These phrases are nothing more than a polite way of saying"Holy hell, why would you do that to your child."

7.Naming a baby after a luxury item is not an indicator of class.

I promise you that nobody will think that little Chanel, Diamond, Bentely, or Porshe is so named because their parents are classy people. In fact, quite the opposite. When I see these names, I assume the parents are living in a trailer park or renting a room at the local Extended Stay.

8. Puns don't make cute names.

Brooke Lynn Bridge (yup, that is what it says. Ms. Bridge was my roommate a few years ago) Winter Solstice, Demin Jean and Silver Belle are absurd - Stop it.

9.Give your child options.

I get that not everyone likes the"traditional names" but for the love of all that is holy, if you decide that you simply cannot live another day without naming your child Butterfly, please give them a more mainstream middle name to fall back on should they decide that the professional world is where they belong.

-finally-

10.You are naming a child, not playing scrabble.

No extra points will be given for working high value letters into a name. There is no need to spell Alexander - Alyxzander unless you want people to assume you have suffered a head injury.

If I have forgotten anything, please feel free to add on to this.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you! I feel much better. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. But of course :-).... It actually mademe realize that a lot of my words from other posts are missing because of the color of my letters. So I need to fix that.

    ReplyDelete

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